This workbook is a guide for overcoming the fears we each experience in our close relationships. This book expands on the body-mind-relationship fears that I have written about in Overcoming Our Relationship Fears. This guide not only elaborates in more detail what each of the seven relationship fears is about—but it provides specific exercises for individuals and couples to do in order to learn how each of these seven universal fears operates in their minds, their bodies, and their relationships.
In Overcoming Our Relationship Fears I begin by telling the story of how one evening I was swimming laps in my pool after a particularly trying day. I was doing my best not to think about some frustrations I was having in several of my relationships. But as I was breathing deeply and stretching energetically into my
laps, I became painfully aware of muscle contractions in various parts of my body. Each knot seemed clearly related to some challenge I was currently facing in one of my relationships. In a flash, I suddenly realized that my body is at all times enmeshed in my relationships. I have known for many years that our minds are at all times enmeshed in our relationships. And that if we want to know ourselves better we have to pay close attention to our relationships because our minds originally developed in and continue to live in our relationships.
But what I had not seen until swimming those laps was not only that the body-mind split is artificial, but that our bodies, as well as our minds, are at all times thoroughly enmeshed in our relationships. I had discovered in the exercise pool that evening the reality of the body-mind-relationship (BMR) connection while thinking about some upsetting relationship issues and simultaneously experiencing a variety of painful physical sensations in my body. For convenience, I coined the term “BMR
connection” (pronounced “beamer”) as shorthand for the body- mind-relationship connection—that place at our deepest center where our relationship fears reside in our bodies and minds.